The Life of Mrs. Pulley

Friends Come and Go and Come Again

It has been over a year since Steve left for the military. Steve leaving was one of the hardest things I have had to deal with since moving to Las Vegas. He became such a permanent fixture in my life, that for a long time it was very difficult for me to really get things accomplished once he was gone. After several months, it got easier and I started hanging out with new people and spending more time by myself. I have seen Steve a handful of times since he joined the Army. In fact he is in town with Amanda this week.

When Jasn left Las Vegas, it was because of me. Although it was also really difficult, we had stopped spending time together months before. Jasn moved backed to Las Vegas in May and for about 4 months we saw each other 5 days a week since we worked together. Now, we see each other every couple of weeks for a few hours.

My father was in the Army, a career officer. Every three years, our family moved somewhere new. I was born in California, we moved to New York, then to Maryland, then to Germany, then another place city in Germany, then to Maryland, then to a different city in new York. Then my parents separated the summer before my senior year. Then the moves with my mother started. We went from New York to Kansas, then to New Jersey, then to Florida (my mom had some other stops along the way, but these are the only places I had in common with her). After Florida, I stopped moving with her or following her. I went from Florida to California to live with my Dad and then 10 months later moved to Las Vegas.

To say that I have had alot of friends during the last thirty or so years of my life, is a gross understatement. Every time I leave a place, I have a best friend that I am certain I will keep in touch with forever. It never seems to really work out that way in practice. Basically it has progressed like this:

• Maryland - Erin W. - She was my best friend from nursery school through 1st grade. She lived down the street from us on base. We did not keep in touch while I lived in Germany.
• Germany - Tabitha - She was my best friend from 2nd through 4th grade. We wrote letters back and forth for a few months after her family left Germany (they left before us). After that I never heard from her again.
• Maryland - Lora T. - We were best friends from 5th grade through 7th grade. We kept in touch on and off until around 10th grade. We even had a few shared vacations, the summer before 9th grade. While I was in 5th grade and back in Maryland, my father found out that Erin W. was still living in Maryland. Our families got together for the day and that was the last time I saw Erin. Our families just didn't seem to have much in common - there was no big issue - we just never got together after that.
• New York - Maureen O. - We started out hating each other. Well, I hated her - she thought I was stuck up. We met in 8th grade, we became best friends in 9th grade and stayed best friends for quite some time after that. I think we lost touch some time during Maureen's sophomore year at UCLA. Again, there was no problem or anything, we just got otherwise occupied with life. Every once in awhile I will find her email address or where she is working currently and we share a few emails. A year or so ago, she was living in Chicago, working for a law firm.
• New York - Tom - We met the summer before my 10th grade year and dated for 3 months and 10 days (the exact time definition of forever). He was my first love. Then it ended tragically. Maybe not really tragically, but it was tragic for me at the age of 14. We didn't talk for quite some time in teen time. I think it was about 4 months. Then we started hanging out together again. After that we were pretty much inseparable. We had our drama, it was difficult being best friends with a guy during high school. It just wasn't really accepted then - we were constantly the source of rumors and gossip. We lost touch for about 3 or 4 years. This was not really losing touch actually, one of his girlfriend's couldn't handle our friendship, so he basically chose her over me. After that though, the friendship was never quite the same. I didn't really trust he wouldn't leave again, and he tried way too hard to constantly try to prove to me that he would not. It was not a good combination for a healthy relationship. The whole thing ended horribly and it took me a lot longer than even I realized to get over it.
• Kansas - Vicky - We met at work. We worked together as waitresses at Chi-Chi's - a Mexican restaurant. She was so much fun, and so incredibly forward. If anyone wants someone to blame for my lack of internal filter, blame Vicky. If I ever had a shell - it shattered into tiny pieces then. Our friendship was filled with lots of fun, lots of craziness, lots of men, and lots of tequila. Then I moved away. She is the only person I still occassionally share emails with from Kansas, well her and her husband. Mostly it's just Christmas cards and birthday emails now and then. Although come to think of it, I haven't heard from them in the past two years I think.
• New Jersey - Maritza - She lived across the hall from me in the dorms at Kean, then we lived together my last year. She was an amazing person, and a real girl. She is a teacher somewhere, married to a P.E. teacher. I think she may still live in upstate New York. We stopped talking after her mom said if she had me in her wedding she wouldn't go, so Maritza told me I couldn't be in the wedding or come. It really wasn't us being mad at each other. I understood she had to do what her mother wanted, but it just made things very tense. Up until then, we had kept in touch the entire time I was in Florida, California, and the first two years or so I lived here.
• Florida - I didn't really have a best friend in Florida. If I had to name one it would be my brother Rich. We spent alot of time together and talked about everything. I had alot of good friends, Kerrie, Rachel, Alex, Steve, Mike, and John - but none of them really seemed like they stood out as my best friend. I obviously still keep in touch with my brother, so he really doesn't count. :)
• California - I didn't know anyone in California - it was just me and my dad time.
• Nevada - That's where I am at now.

I don't really know how things are going to go from here. I would love to say that Steve and I are always going to keep in touch even though he has moved. I would love to say that Jasn and I will always keep in touch if I ever leave Vegas. I know I will try. It just never seems to happen. I think that's why sometimes I have this weird feeling around Steve - its that feeling that should be buried - the one that says three or four years from now you might not even know how to get in touch with him. I get a similar feeling with Jasn from time to time. It's a little different though - it's just a feeling of distance - although I don't know why it's there.

The weirdest part about it, is that right before I am about to see either one of them, I get a little sad. Each time Steve leaves it hurts less than the last time and each time I drop off Jasn after dinner it bothers me less than it might be weeks before I see him again. Please don't misread this. I don't care for either one of them even a little bit less than I used to, nor do I think our friendship is any less strong at this point. It just seems to be some type of coping mechanism I have acquired over time. Some part of me that I have no control over, that just clicks on and off as it sees fit. I wonder if I have discovered some sort of mental disorder...

posted by Aimee @ 10:17 AM